Married?…with children! Here’s your guide to EARN your carnival trip!
After years of glorious life as a single man you finally settled down. You married the woman of your dreams and together you have made a family. You are happy.
For many though, eventually, a tiny seed of discontent pops up deep in your psyche. It germinates and grows, twisting its vines around the previously stable foundations of your happyness.
This seed is the desire….the need….to once again feel like a young stallion, prancing through the fields of lush grassland, the object of desire for innumerable others, if only for a while. This feeling is exactly what the 2 days on the road for carnival provides.
Many are saying, “see it there, all they wants to do is to go off and cheat “. While I will not swear for anyone else I will hazard a guess that many of you are like me. Family takes precedence above all and NOTHING will cause you to take the risk of destroying the beautiful castle which is your home. Carnival allows us to safely go forth and get that feeling we crave…ahh to feel vibrant, desireable, energetic and young again…to experience the euphoria that those feelings bring, without doing anything stupid to risk our happy homes.
ThinkAkil, in his post outlined why its best to jump separately and in cases where you are the only socaphile in the relationship it makes sense to go it alone!
So this begs the question from many. “How the hell do you get to go by yourself….My wife would NEVER let me go!”
Well, because I strongly believe every faithful middle aged man and woman had a HUMAN RIGHT go to carnival I am going to tell you how.
Part 1–You must have company!
OK. Trying to tell your significant other that you are going to trinidad for a week by yourself to galavant is BOUND to be a massive problem. It will raise infinite questions and you will not be able to escape the fact that there is no good reason to party by yourself. You need to convince another friend (or friends), of the same sex and in a similar situation as yourself, to accompany you. Its much more acceptable to say “its a guys/girls week out to carnival” than “im going to carnival by myself to party“. This should preferably be done NOW! 11 months before its time to go. Start by just bringing it up in passing. “Hey, you know I was talking to the guys and we were thinking of taking a week off to hit carnival”. Guage the immediate response which will allow you to know how much real work now has to be done.
Part 2–“One does not simply walk into Mordor”
You cannot simply expect to be GIVEN the right to go off to carnival. You have to earn it. You also have to earn it without your significant other really knowing that you are earning it. By the time its time to really start get things settled in august or so your significant other should be completely accepting of the carnival trip because they have seen your effort.
As a man I can only speak to general ways a man does these things.
- if you are lucky enough to have a young child, take advantage. Become MR. DIAPER! By the time carnival comes around you should have enough practise to put a diaper on an enraged cat if need be.
- Do as many of the household chores as possible. Grumble when alone but accept them as your responsibility with a SMILE at all other times.
- Start watching chick flicks (sigh). Make sure to load up a couple man movies on your phone to counteract the effects of Hugh Grant movies.
- Start going out less and encourage them to go out more. Trust me, it’s worth the sacrifice!
Part 3–Subliminal messages
It starts simple. After broaching the topic of your upcoming trip, start leaving webpages open on the computer for your favorite band for them to see “accidentally”. Ask their opinion on which costumes look good.
Then start dropping the subliminal bombs. “I feel old and used up. I need a way to revitalize myself“. “I’ve been under so much stress, I need to blow off steam” (making sure to not do too much of anything that would qualify).
If done correctly, your significant other will be buying your ticket and sending you off at the airport with tears of joy in her eyes to see her man regain his Mojo.
Of course, there are many alternative ways to get your “free paper”.
The “Me and carnival come together” technique. This option is available to all the non-married carnival lovers with sigificant others. You can literally play chicken with your relationship to get what you want. Note: This works MUCH better for women than for men!
The Financial auditor method. This is where you outline the MASSIVE expenses related to going to carnival as a couple (MASSIVE I TELL YA!) and incidentally during this time NO lotto tickets will be bought….just in case.
I am sure there are many more methods. After all necessity is the mother of invention!
Thanks to www.maidenalleycinema.com, Nerdswillruletheworld.com and psychblog for the images!