WINING ETIQUETTE PART 3.

Let me start this post by saying that after today I’m going to give the topic of wining a break for a little bit.

Some of the big bands will be launching and I will be concentrating on what the upcoming year has to offer as well as a few other interesting topics.
For the fans of wining, don’t despair.  I’m sure I will be back on that topic again soon.

Again….This post is just for fun..don’t be offended.

 

I remember talking to a good friend of mine many years ago about the topic of wining.

She told me that where she came from, back to front wine (man wining on bottom) was socially less acceptable than front to front wine.
Fast forward a decade or so and now I’m a “carnival expert” (self proclaimed).  Let me tell you my opinion on the matter now.In the culture that I grew up in, it was totally reversed.  Back to front wine was run of the mill….no one cared.   But the minute you flipped the script, it was seen as being a bit more serious.

 

The issue of back to front and front to front wine really boils down to a couple things for a guy.

 

1. Comfort

2. Opportunity

3. Body preferences

4. Male victimization by unruly women

 

Let us deal with them in turn.

 

 

COMFORT:

Carnival is for those who can endure.  Just like a long haul trucker, the male reveler has to make himself as comfortable as possible for the majority of the roadmarch if he is to finish it victorious.  Can anything really compare to the gentle cushioning of the West Indian woman’s bam bam?  Like a pair of inviting pillows for aweary jumper to rest their…….Wait!  I digress!

This style (back to front)  is the most commonly performed and because of this, going to dance with a girl like this meets with the least resistance.  You know its true ladies, even if you feel a belly or smell an armpit, the attack from behind usually gets at least a likkle wine.

On the flipside. Front to front wine tends to be a much lumpier, bumpier affair.  Though tonnes O’ fun early in the day, it’s much, much less fun later in the day (guys you know why!).

 

 

 

OPPORTUNITY

Carnival is only two days.  Not even 48 hours either…they take time off to sleep, rest etc(WIMPS!).  This all means that after an entire year of preparation you have no time to waste as a guy (or girl).  You cant dilly dally trying to position yourself to your favorite angle.  If the front is there to be wined on….waste no time!  Grab your wine and move on!

 

 

BODY PREFERENCES

Different strokes for different strokes.   Some men couldn’t care less about the West Indian Bam Bam…either too soft (wagga wagga) or too tough (like 2 coconuts in a crocus bag).  They want to get close to the West Indian woman’s ample busom and will do what it takes to get there on the road.

 

VICTIMIZATION

Sometimes you are walking down the road at carnival, minding your own business and taking in the sun and some soca when BAM!  Some crazy wine you to death girl just holds you down and takes a wine.  What can you do?  Box her down?  You have NO CHOICE but to comply.  To be treated like a piece of meat, to be utilized like a tool and then discarded when they are finished with you…..sigh…Carnival.

Occasionally my friends have described running into the girl we call the “Blue widow”.  They are often Bajan (just an observation not a judgment) and they seem to all have OCD.  Lumps and bumps are unacceptable and must be crushed, obliterated or otherwise smoothed out.  They will not rest till the playing field is perfectly level/flat!  Hip bones and sometimes even knees have been used in their quest for perfection!

 

 

Other important factors are the fact that front to front wine requires closer inspection of your partner. For the most part its very, very bright and sunny and so strobelight honies have no place to hide.

Im sure there is more I could discuss here people, but I have to keep it civil.  You, on the other hand, do not.  Looking forward to the discussion  in the comment section.

 

 

3 thoughts on “WINING ETIQUETTE PART 3.

  • July 20, 2011 at 4:16 am
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    AHAHAHAHAH! HILARIOUS!! ‘ Can anything really compare to the gentle cushioning of the West Indian woman’s bam bam?’ I’d like to think not!I prefer the front to back wine myself. I don’t want to get too up and close and personal doin front to front wining on carnival mon/tues ESP if i dont know u. I think front to back wine also allows for less skin contact for the germophobes (but u really cant be a germophone and play carnival!) Besdies those front to front wines don’t/cant last long as u cant move/chip and wine!! The band will leave u! (unless u stuck on charlotte st, well then go ahead and front to front for the next 3 hours)Excellent post!

  • July 20, 2011 at 6:53 am
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    Another great post. I don’t mind getting treated like a piece of meat. Aggressive women with nice bam bams is a wonderful thing!!!

  • July 20, 2011 at 10:49 pm
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    *DED*. This one nearly killed me. And these photos are CLASSIC.Back to front wine all the way unless you is my real homie. Or you mad crazy enough to stick your face between my breasts. In that case you might get a small wine out of pure shock.

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